A letter about disgraceful of my parents

A letter to no direction. I am an orphan. I came to a house when I have nothing left by my side. I am the poorest thing in the world with shameless face asking for sorry so I can stay under a roof and get my regular meal. I can stand with smooth moking, I am okay. I can accept if some think I can do nothing, because it's truly. I'm trying and I always fell on it.
But my soul is free, I untie to anything. I am not afraid to lost in somewhere I don't know. I am not afraid of anything, except unloved. That's my father told me. I should be brave on everything. But I am not brave enough to express my madness and my disappointment. I never can cry in front of people easily. I trust some people to cry along with. He never told me that, but he knows I'll go to my room or bathroom to cry out loud.
I may look not cautious of everything, barely careless and not so expressive. I can't show love easily. No, I've never taught about that. A man can't teach details of feeling. I may grow as a woman, but I feel alike my soul is unbreakable like a man. I so like to talk about my father, he makes me talk much until I forget  what am I supposed to do actually. He's very great sample about parenting, I only have one figure in my mind about a parent. My father. So if anybody say about my parents, I figure out my father. That careless, thoughtless and stubborn girl who born under his blood is not always his reflection. He's perfect for me.
I really respect everybody's parent, so this lately I'd like to become easily mad to my neighbour kids whose really madly unmannered. So I blame his parents for not teaching him well. Now, it's the Karma goes around to me.
I am sorry not sorry for what I've never done. And I think I don't deserve to be judged. But it's okay if you want to see me as low as you want. But please this is the first time my parents being included to my messy life, please don't bring him up. He's not there in the world anymore. He took no responsibility to anything I've done, my attitude, my mistake, my deed or my bad. Not anything. I don't hurt, I'm just sad if he knew about this, I don't want to see him cry again. He's not there with me. So please don't bring up my parents to this. I am so sorry, I'll apologize if it can erase my parents name from this situation. I am sorry. I don't hurt.

Perempuan: Tak Dibuku Manapun


Aku benci aku tau segalanya sebelum waktunya, aku benci aku tak bisa menangis. Karena kesedihan adalah perasaan yang salah. Aku diam, sebenarnya aku telah tau banyak.
Dia tak mengenaliku, sangat
Aku adalah tempat terjauh yang terbaik untukmu kabur
dari bagaimana patah hatinya engkau karena dia
Dia mematahkan hatimu berkali-kali, sangat
dan kau menolak cintaku, aku tak peduli
karena aku sakit dan mencukur rambutku hingga hampir botak

Dia membenciku, sangat
aku mengambil apa yang miliknya ketika kau pergi jauh dari nya
Lalu dia datang kembali padamu dan kau berpaling padaku
Bagaimana dengan kau yang kutinggal pergi ke pantai selatan
Di puncak gunung Papandayan kau koyak cinta dan kepercayaan
Apa kau pernah tanya aku terluka? Sangat

Perempuan, tak pernah ada di buku manapun
tertulis tentang sesuatu yang benar, tentang dia
tapi semua mengaguminya, semua rela melakukan apapun untuknya
apa aku bukan perempuan bagi kalian?
lalu apa aku? batu?

Dia adalah jawaban Tuhan atas pertanyaanku, sekian lama
kau mungkin tak ingin berkata apapun padaku saat ini, dan dia

Tapi
Aku benci aku tau segalanya sebelum waktunya, aku benci aku tak bisa menangis. Karena kesedihan adalah perasaan yang salah. Aku diam, sebenarnya aku telah tau banyak.

Uomo sotto le colline di Merbabu

lo so e sto piangendo, non perché sono felice o sono triste
non posso decidere quale sia il mio lato
so che non sapresti la mia sensazione
ma tu sei troppo bello per rompere il mio cuore
è già interrotto molte volte
come posso ancora vivo vederlo fare? vorrei che fossi più felice di te
ma io non sono
all'interno del buco, mi allevia
la mia domanda è stata risolta da Dio a chi è
lo so, ero sbagliato
per favore perdonami, ti amo mai
che l'amore mi ha reso più forte ad amare qualcun altro ora
anche grazie a non danneggiare mai il mio amore.